Car windows down, wind-blown tousled hair, a warm dashboard for a footrest, stereo turned wayyy up
44oz Mountain Dew slushees from Speedway for only 89¢
Walking barefoot on green grass
Burying my toes in warm sand
Splashing and piggy-back rides at the lake
Ice cream and burgers at our local ice cream parlor, Mullens, on Main Street
Late night walks on Main Street in the heat and all the traffic lights flashing
Laying on the hill and gazing at the stars
Catching Lightning Bugs and then watching them fly away again
Sleeping in
Waking up early and watching the sunrise on the front porch with a bowl of cereal and my dog
Running through sprinklers in the backyard, fully clothed. And tossing water balloons.
Dancing and splashing in pouring rain
Watching lightning in candlelight, instead of watching TV
Cut-off jeans and flip-flops
Summerfest in Milwaukee, Riverfest in Watertown
4th of July, fireworks, sparklers, parades and flags, cream puffs, funnel cakes, corn dogs, and cotton candy
Farmer’s Markets with my dad
Playing in dirt and smelling flowers
Cook-outs with people I love; and the smells of fresh-cut grass and charcoal
Love Always and Forever,
Shy Lee Zephyr
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Contradiction
I just don’t understand. Though, according to Confucius I must be pretty damn smart since “To know is to know that you know nothing.” I know diddly-squat. I’m back to contradictions. C’est ma vie.
Some days I hate the world and everyone and everything in it. It scares the shit out of me. And people (not just collectively, but individually) are quite dumb I’ve noticed. Such are the “perks” of a customer service job: working with and assisting dumb people. Some days I sympathize with the poor bastards who feel the need to kill themselves or shoot up a place (now before I get myself into trouble with that statement, I in no way would do anything like that in a million years nor do I applaud or condone such behavior; I just sympathize). I feel like values are no longer valued and they’re nothing but worthless words. Words such as “hate” or “fuck” or “love” are used so loosely, and ironically used as synonyms at times. People lack the patience and intelligence levels now-a-days to open up a damn book and actually thoughtfully engage in reading it (by the way, “synonyms” are different words that imply the same meaning for those of you who don’t know….)! Typical conversations held between people now deal with nothing more than self-gratification and “me, me, me, me, ME!” I feel like the world is increasingly getting dumber and much more violent…and I am scared and worried constantly. To really give you the impact of my constant fear and worry, here’s a taste of some of my daily thoughts and habits: At night when I’m in bed, I still jump up at every noise thinking someone has broken in. I used to like walking at night, but now if I’m alone I’m afraid of getting kidnapped, raped, and/or murdered. In fact, I’m afraid of the dark altogether (and I’m 21) because I fear what I can’t see. When I come into work in the morning I have to go way to the back of the back room to turn on the lights; I run back there because I’m not sure if someone broke in through the back door and is waiting to jump and attack me so I figure I better be fast enough. When a lone male walks into my store I wonder if he’s going to rob me (obviously a man is stronger than me so I naturally fear the men). I have also stopped watching the news. I know that people gasp when I tell them this and ask “How do you keep up with your current events?” Hmm, well if the current events are that the world is going to hell from all the murders, rapes, missing people, terrorism, weapons and other horrible things, and seeing it affirmed everyday on the news is only going to make me live even more in terrified fear to the point where I may never leave a padded room, then I’d rather be beautifully and ignorantly blissful until the exact moment the earth explodes instead of partaking in a mad hysteria. I keep up to date with local events or big things like elections, Olympics, and the damn sports scores through word of mouth and I just open a damn window if I want the weather. Thank you very much. And I know a lot of you are thinking, “Woah, this woman needs to be committed because she worries too much.” Well, maybe I do but I’d rather be careful than sorry. I don’t know why but people really do believe in their own invincibility and think that bad things can’t or won’t happen to them; I assure you it can and it will if you’re not careful.
However, (now here comes my contradiction) the very collective and individual people that I refer to that I say terrify me on a daily basis, also manage to pleasantly surprise me. (“Pleasantly” perhaps only because I expect the worst? Who knows.) But on occasion I meet those rare individuals whom have a deep and refreshing sense of morals and values. People who also have delightful compassion, unconditional love, and a shared thirst and desire for novels and poetry and deep meaningful thought. These wonderful and truly remarkable people that also have courage and spirit and aren’t afraid to be dreamers and mavericks in a cynical and decaying world. These people give me hope and sustenance and comfort that I think for a brief moment that maybe the world is in some good hands and stands a fighting chance. There is also my ever-affirming faith that never allows me to give up completely and has me hanging on tight to the rope of hope. For instance, in my weakest moments or moments of doubt I’ll see a picture, or a person, or hear a phrase or the right words, or the right song that always replies perfectly to my doubting question or just reaffirms my strength and the human spirit. Moments like that are my miracles and my sustenance that there is something greater at work and that I just need to hang on and help where I can.
So you see my living contradiction? I am both naïve dreamer and disgruntled cynic. Is it just me? Maybe. But maybe it’s just the typical clichéd “rollercoaster” called Life and some days are just better than others. All I know is that I know nothing.
Some days I hate the world and everyone and everything in it. It scares the shit out of me. And people (not just collectively, but individually) are quite dumb I’ve noticed. Such are the “perks” of a customer service job: working with and assisting dumb people. Some days I sympathize with the poor bastards who feel the need to kill themselves or shoot up a place (now before I get myself into trouble with that statement, I in no way would do anything like that in a million years nor do I applaud or condone such behavior; I just sympathize). I feel like values are no longer valued and they’re nothing but worthless words. Words such as “hate” or “fuck” or “love” are used so loosely, and ironically used as synonyms at times. People lack the patience and intelligence levels now-a-days to open up a damn book and actually thoughtfully engage in reading it (by the way, “synonyms” are different words that imply the same meaning for those of you who don’t know….)! Typical conversations held between people now deal with nothing more than self-gratification and “me, me, me, me, ME!” I feel like the world is increasingly getting dumber and much more violent…and I am scared and worried constantly. To really give you the impact of my constant fear and worry, here’s a taste of some of my daily thoughts and habits: At night when I’m in bed, I still jump up at every noise thinking someone has broken in. I used to like walking at night, but now if I’m alone I’m afraid of getting kidnapped, raped, and/or murdered. In fact, I’m afraid of the dark altogether (and I’m 21) because I fear what I can’t see. When I come into work in the morning I have to go way to the back of the back room to turn on the lights; I run back there because I’m not sure if someone broke in through the back door and is waiting to jump and attack me so I figure I better be fast enough. When a lone male walks into my store I wonder if he’s going to rob me (obviously a man is stronger than me so I naturally fear the men). I have also stopped watching the news. I know that people gasp when I tell them this and ask “How do you keep up with your current events?” Hmm, well if the current events are that the world is going to hell from all the murders, rapes, missing people, terrorism, weapons and other horrible things, and seeing it affirmed everyday on the news is only going to make me live even more in terrified fear to the point where I may never leave a padded room, then I’d rather be beautifully and ignorantly blissful until the exact moment the earth explodes instead of partaking in a mad hysteria. I keep up to date with local events or big things like elections, Olympics, and the damn sports scores through word of mouth and I just open a damn window if I want the weather. Thank you very much. And I know a lot of you are thinking, “Woah, this woman needs to be committed because she worries too much.” Well, maybe I do but I’d rather be careful than sorry. I don’t know why but people really do believe in their own invincibility and think that bad things can’t or won’t happen to them; I assure you it can and it will if you’re not careful.
However, (now here comes my contradiction) the very collective and individual people that I refer to that I say terrify me on a daily basis, also manage to pleasantly surprise me. (“Pleasantly” perhaps only because I expect the worst? Who knows.) But on occasion I meet those rare individuals whom have a deep and refreshing sense of morals and values. People who also have delightful compassion, unconditional love, and a shared thirst and desire for novels and poetry and deep meaningful thought. These wonderful and truly remarkable people that also have courage and spirit and aren’t afraid to be dreamers and mavericks in a cynical and decaying world. These people give me hope and sustenance and comfort that I think for a brief moment that maybe the world is in some good hands and stands a fighting chance. There is also my ever-affirming faith that never allows me to give up completely and has me hanging on tight to the rope of hope. For instance, in my weakest moments or moments of doubt I’ll see a picture, or a person, or hear a phrase or the right words, or the right song that always replies perfectly to my doubting question or just reaffirms my strength and the human spirit. Moments like that are my miracles and my sustenance that there is something greater at work and that I just need to hang on and help where I can.
So you see my living contradiction? I am both naïve dreamer and disgruntled cynic. Is it just me? Maybe. But maybe it’s just the typical clichéd “rollercoaster” called Life and some days are just better than others. All I know is that I know nothing.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Mike's Mango & Enough Buzz
So, I'm at home. Work is done. Homework is done (besides helping my boyfriend with colons, semicolons, and commas on his homework; college English is so redundant of high school crap). Drinking some Smirnoff and Mike's Mango Hard Punch. Blasting my work-out/dance mix on my computer (you know...those Pop!gasms you can only get from M.J, Darren Hayes, Kylie, Kate, Lady G and Britney!). In a verrrrrrrry good mood.
I'm just so very ecstatic and proud of where I'm at right now. It's so...surreal!!! I was reading the latest blog post from Amber over at All You Have is Your Soul and I can't help but feel the same way. Are things too good? Like Amber, I'm not really pessimistic though I know I've grown into quite the cynic lately. The fact is, I am quite used to the universe shitting all over my life. And smearing it's brown putrid mess all over it.
Not to go to much into detail about my problems to sound like I'm whining and being a baby but here's the briefing: Messy relationships, family keeps dying of cancer, CONSTANT money problems...rather constant hardships due to NO money and I know people complain that they don't have money but they still have bank accounts, well, my family has the dirt in the backyard...for as long as my dad can hold onto the house anyway, and just a plethora of other drama and hardships that like to bombard my life all at once.
So it's kind of a relief right now. It's actually more than a relief. I feel like it's a miracle. I have the apartment I wanted: 2 bedrooms, one and half bath, vaulted ceilings, BEAUTIFULLY decorated if I do say so myself, balcony, pond view, heat included, pool access and club house access when we want it (all included with our monthly rent), and it's not a bad price to split between 3 people (myself, my BF, and our best friend). It really feels like home. Not to mention I have an amazing BF of one year and I live with him and my best friend!! I have a steady job that I recently got promoted on and am now making commission checks since I've moved to a busier store! I'm doing more writing again (I was getting some serious writer's block for awhile), and got my new camera and have got things going with my photography aspirations as well. I'm going to be assisting Lori over at Light Reading and I'm really excited to work for her and learn from her. She's such a sweet and energetic woman from what I can tell so far. And obviously very talented!
I also recently did a photo shoot with some of the BF's co-workers that worked out really well. They're very good people, and I got a little experience and a little bit of pocket cash out of it. Speaking of money! It's always my main stressor but I feel really good about it right now. Like I said, I'll be receiving commissions starting this month hopefully. Also, the BF and I have balanced out our checks for our upcoming bills and groceries and such and we have a little left over for some luxuries (like Mike's Hard Mango Punch, hehe) and we just opened up a joint account to save up for our month long road trip next summer!!! Along with the good things and money situation, when I moved out I wanted to save up for 3 main things right away (1) a laptop (I had never owned my own computer before), (2) a car (the BF's car was dying and becoming unreliable & unsafe transportation), and (3) my DSLR camera. I've achieved and earned all 3!!! It's an incredible feeling when I accomplish what I set out to do!!! It feels...as I said...like a surreal miracle!
The only damper on this all, I have to agree with Amber's blog post, is that it stifles creativity. The best masterpieces come from the depths of despair I think because it's such a strong and raw emotion and makes for a better read.
But I am rather enjoying the good things right now and taking in all the sunlight I can. And drinkin' Mike's Mango and dancing like a fool.
Love Always & Forever,
Shy Lee Zephyr
I'm just so very ecstatic and proud of where I'm at right now. It's so...surreal!!! I was reading the latest blog post from Amber over at All You Have is Your Soul and I can't help but feel the same way. Are things too good? Like Amber, I'm not really pessimistic though I know I've grown into quite the cynic lately. The fact is, I am quite used to the universe shitting all over my life. And smearing it's brown putrid mess all over it.
Not to go to much into detail about my problems to sound like I'm whining and being a baby but here's the briefing: Messy relationships, family keeps dying of cancer, CONSTANT money problems...rather constant hardships due to NO money and I know people complain that they don't have money but they still have bank accounts, well, my family has the dirt in the backyard...for as long as my dad can hold onto the house anyway, and just a plethora of other drama and hardships that like to bombard my life all at once.
So it's kind of a relief right now. It's actually more than a relief. I feel like it's a miracle. I have the apartment I wanted: 2 bedrooms, one and half bath, vaulted ceilings, BEAUTIFULLY decorated if I do say so myself, balcony, pond view, heat included, pool access and club house access when we want it (all included with our monthly rent), and it's not a bad price to split between 3 people (myself, my BF, and our best friend). It really feels like home. Not to mention I have an amazing BF of one year and I live with him and my best friend!! I have a steady job that I recently got promoted on and am now making commission checks since I've moved to a busier store! I'm doing more writing again (I was getting some serious writer's block for awhile), and got my new camera and have got things going with my photography aspirations as well. I'm going to be assisting Lori over at Light Reading and I'm really excited to work for her and learn from her. She's such a sweet and energetic woman from what I can tell so far. And obviously very talented!
I also recently did a photo shoot with some of the BF's co-workers that worked out really well. They're very good people, and I got a little experience and a little bit of pocket cash out of it. Speaking of money! It's always my main stressor but I feel really good about it right now. Like I said, I'll be receiving commissions starting this month hopefully. Also, the BF and I have balanced out our checks for our upcoming bills and groceries and such and we have a little left over for some luxuries (like Mike's Hard Mango Punch, hehe) and we just opened up a joint account to save up for our month long road trip next summer!!! Along with the good things and money situation, when I moved out I wanted to save up for 3 main things right away (1) a laptop (I had never owned my own computer before), (2) a car (the BF's car was dying and becoming unreliable & unsafe transportation), and (3) my DSLR camera. I've achieved and earned all 3!!! It's an incredible feeling when I accomplish what I set out to do!!! It feels...as I said...like a surreal miracle!
The only damper on this all, I have to agree with Amber's blog post, is that it stifles creativity. The best masterpieces come from the depths of despair I think because it's such a strong and raw emotion and makes for a better read.
But I am rather enjoying the good things right now and taking in all the sunlight I can. And drinkin' Mike's Mango and dancing like a fool.
Love Always & Forever,
Shy Lee Zephyr
Monday, July 6, 2009
More, more, more...
Some relaxation time! Got done with work at 7pm and no homework tonight. Yay! I have to stay up though because I have to pick my boyfriend up from work at 12:30am, which isn't so bad because I can't fall asleep without him anyway. So I've just been watching some TV, lounging on the couch, and dreaming BIG!
So far I've watched National Treasure (I have a huge crush on Nicholas Cage!), and now I'm currently laughing at The Golden Girls. You wouldn't think 4 old woman could be so delightfully crude and hysterical! (Or would you??)
Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend of the 4th. I took my camera out and got some really cute pics of my niece!! I mean ADORABLE! Such as this one:
And I got some beautiful pics of fireworks at the park, such as these:
And, my wonderful loving BF talked me up to some of his co-workers so I took pics of one woman with her husband and another woman's kids. They turned out so beautiful! Not only am I getting experience but getting paid too! :) They were such fun people. And I thank them for their patience and giving me the opportunity.
I keep thinking about an internship, and some day starting my own business, but mostly I'm thinking about that month long road trip that I desperately want to take next July. Saving every dime will so be worth it. <3
Hope all you have sweet and big dreams. Share some with me if you like!
Love Always and Forever,
Shy Lee Zephyr
So far I've watched National Treasure (I have a huge crush on Nicholas Cage!), and now I'm currently laughing at The Golden Girls. You wouldn't think 4 old woman could be so delightfully crude and hysterical! (Or would you??)
Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend of the 4th. I took my camera out and got some really cute pics of my niece!! I mean ADORABLE! Such as this one:
And I got some beautiful pics of fireworks at the park, such as these:
And, my wonderful loving BF talked me up to some of his co-workers so I took pics of one woman with her husband and another woman's kids. They turned out so beautiful! Not only am I getting experience but getting paid too! :) They were such fun people. And I thank them for their patience and giving me the opportunity.
I keep thinking about an internship, and some day starting my own business, but mostly I'm thinking about that month long road trip that I desperately want to take next July. Saving every dime will so be worth it. <3
Hope all you have sweet and big dreams. Share some with me if you like!
Love Always and Forever,
Shy Lee Zephyr
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Excitement Bubble 'Bout to Burst!!
Beyond thrilled for fireworks and the celebration of the 4th this weekend! OH and guess what came just in time?! My NIKON D90!!! Take a looky! I'm not by any means experienced but I took 'er out for a test shoot (and my GAWD my right hand hurts: camera is HEAVY!). I took all of these. :)
Love Always & Forever,
Shy Lee Zephyr
Love Always & Forever,
Shy Lee Zephyr
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